Dont let the depression take your life from you!

Shalom. Hello everyone, welcome back to my blog. It's been a long time since i wrote my last post right? Even so, it is a great pleasure for me to share something about what i had been prepared to all of you. I am sorry because there is a lot of errors in my grammar and honestly i am not an advanced at writing hohoho. But, i am still trying my best to write a good story.

A few days ago when i listened to the song titled "Zombie" from Day6, i realized that the lyrics of their song are the reflection of my current feelings."Today is a present that i don't want. When the sunrise is upon me, i'll be waiting for the day to pass by. So i'm wondering in this world, am i really the only one who's been wanting to hide out from the sun and run?  Now i feel like i became a zombie, not alive but i'm still walking. I'm breathing but i have been dying inside. Everyday i'm wishing to stop and close my eyes". For me, living has become the constant nightmare and nothing feels right. There is nowhere to run to, nowhere to hide and i have no home HAHA. I dont think people understand how stressful it is to explain what's going on in your head when you dont even understand it youself. Sometimes when i say "i'm okay", i want someone to look me in the eyes and hug me tight. Poor me, i'm just wanting for something shit that could not exist.

Why did i have to be this way? I've a Great Almighty God and amazing peoples around me. Yet all i ever seem to see is sadness and grey. Depression is the hell inside of me and it eats me up daily. It's a disease that affects every aspect of my life, my education and my relationships. Voices in my head drowning my faith and my spirit seems too heavy to fly. My heart cries desperately for rescue. I've tried to open up my heart to others and always listening a podcasts about self motivation, but there's nothing that can cure me. It made me realize that society is just a bullshit. So i dont expect them to hold my hand anymore and fight against that damn reality together. They says to me that i am strong enough to hold on, they tell me to bear the depression. But, they never knew how much pain i felt. The only thing i know that can help me to walk out of this shit situation is keep on praying to GOD. Nahum 1:7 in MSG version says, "GOD is good, a hiding place in tough times. He recognizes and welcomes anyone looking for help". 

Actually, it's very difficult for me to believe in GOD. So i'm trying really hard to build up my relationship with Him. I pray to GOD and read the Holy Bible every day. I learn to trust Him and allow myself go to where He leads me. Even though i always fall and fall again, i will not give up. I keep saying to myself that GOD doesn't make mistakes and everything happens for a reason.  As John 1:3 says, "All things were made through HIM, and without HIM was not any thing made that was made" (ESV vers.). So i cry out loud when i pray to God like David did in Psalms 38, "Yes GOD, i confess my wrongdoing, and i am concerned about my sins (38:18). I am dazed and completely humiliated, all day long i walk around mourning (38:6). I am numb with pain and severaly battered, i groan loudly because of the anxiety i feel (38:8). O Lord, You understand my heart's desire, my groaning is not hidden from You (38:9). Because of my condition, even my friends keep their distance, my neighbors stand far away (38:11). Yet i wait for You, O Lord. You will respond, O Lord, my God (38:15)."

For all of you who have the similar situation as me, please don't let that shit depression take your life from you. I know the pain inside is really hurts when your anxiety isn't gone and overwhelmed your life. And sometimes you just want to stop the pain by trying several ways to commit suicide, right?  My friends, as you know there is no one who cares about you instead of yourself, so we have to stand up for ourselves, maybe today's not the right time for us to be happy like them. Still, we're the most precious creature that GOD had ever made so don't let the depression destroy our lives. Do only things that make you happy and make you feel good about yourself. Remember that GOD has many wonderful plans in my life and yours. The Holy Bible says,"There is a season for everything, and a time for every event under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and time to uproot what was planted; a time to tear down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to be silent and the time speak; a time to love, and time to hate; a time for war, and time for peace." (part of Ecclesiates 3. ISV vers).

Honestly, i'm still living with both depression and anxiety and its prevents me from being happy. Even so, i believe that it can be healed only when i decide to casting all my anxieties in Him, because He cares for me and i am going to be okay. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own understanding. Acknowledge Him in all your ways, and He will make your paths straight" (Proverbs 3:5-6 NET vers.). As 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 says, "Therefore we do not despair, but even if our physical body is wearing away, our inner person is being renewed day by day. For our momentary, light suffering is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison. Because we are not looking at what can be seen but at what cannot be seen. For what can be seen is temporary, but what cannot be seen is eternal".  When you were depressed, GOD asked you to put your faith in Him. He is The Only One who will not leave you. If you will keep your peace, you'll pass the test, and GOD will bring you out better than you were before. "But those who trust in the Lord will renew their strength, they will soar on wings like eagles, they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint" (Isaiah 40:21, HCSB vers.). AMEN.

So that's all about my story. Thank you for coming to my blog. I hope all of you can enjoy your life every day without loneliness and anxiety. Jesus Christ loves you, and so do i. See you next time. GOD bless.